Once you’ve … I mean, eh… when they say it might and will charge you… uh… I, mm, think, perhaps, errh, is how maybe to say this, is that once you’ve seen a gold-pooping erotomaniac unicorn not only have you seen most, if not all, of them, hopefully, but you’ve probably seen enough to not believe in much of anything anymore and can’t wait, basically, long nor want for nothing less more or other than this hell to be over with so you can finally be dead.”-actual quote from a totally not fictional satisfied Capicorn* customer.
Looking back at the younger years, the usual was having to think real hard about things to say at confession. Now, having unapologetically rejected the afterlife, in firm disbelief of deities and supernatural follies, I wouldn’t need long to recall, for example, the many harms I have wished upon seekers and havers of power, upon those who can afford greed, abusers and the hungry tools who idolize their authority. The things I would condone, the fates laughed at contemptuously, the so many other ways or directions in which I eh … might look… And I suppose I could confess some of those if recounting them would not fill me with such delightful and intense joy as to fervently want them seen reenacted or accomplished.
Not to mention no will to refrain from pursuing or engaging in them any further. No recognition of guilt or acknowledgement of it as being reprehensible behaviour of some kind or another: they’re just thoughts. I’m being honest about what I want here. You know how it goes about people and the things they want, right? Oh dear, curses so sweet to behold, as succulent as any dish, more satisfying than any pleasure the flesh could covet, of the taste to extinguish any and all other desires.
And these aren’t even the things I’d do to them myself if ever given half the chance… but, let us not get into that for now.
Anyway, sometimes it’s just up to the timing, line things up correctly, at just the right price… and…
Bah, after all, what do I know I’m just an old fool, a poor old fool who hasn’t even managed to sell one single damn money shitting magic unicorn in almost a decade. Nothing to see here.
So far so good. Haven’t touched the facebooks all year. Same for most kinds of media too, news, shows, radio, papers, name it. I was going to keep track of podcasts, videos and such, I did look up, but by the end of January I was already up to several dozen bookmarks. Too many that I care to count. So much for that. I’ll come back to this.
I’ve been rather down and out past few weeks anyway I’ve stopped keeping up… it gets like that. No matter what it is, it ends up being more demoralizing than not. The fun things become the depressing ones, things that would normally motivate and energize start feeling like a chore. Sucks.
And wow, time flies. Halfway through February already. Two weeks ago I was going to write this, but before that wanted to keep working on a piece by Fernando Sor I first learned many years ago, and stopped playing. Yeah, after going through the pile of sheet music I came across it, thinking it was one of those I had never came around to learning all the way through, was looking at maybe trying something new. Didn’t take long to realize it wasn’t. It’s next on the chopping block for the guitar vlog, I guess, I’ve added it to the top of my setlist for now.
It’s kind of difficult, so I remember why I had put it aside. It’s so much fun to play though, amazing parts that feel really rewarding to pull off, just really fun and cheery music. But hard, not super insane fuck you hard, but tough. Until a few days ago I’d go at it sometimes several hours a day, slowly, faster and sometimes too fast, sometimes with the metronome just over and over going back over the same bars. Repeating the variations on their own, then once in a while trying the whole song. I barely played anything else all of January.
Brings me to the video part. Only have a few recordings, none of which I’m really satisfied with. I’m still not sure where to go from here. Was thinking about maybe streaming it some, see who shows up. I don’t know. A bit why I’ve been loitering here in procrastination station until today.
Then I was surprised while login in to see the .org page I set up has been getting several hundred views consistently since last September of so. That’s awesome, I guess. Zero feedback or contacts about it though, unless that’s what that crazy hate mail harpy was about, she even came out in person to mock me over a cup of coffee… yeah, I guess that’s what she might have been about. What… so fucking weird, so much stupid. It would explain her behavior some. Not very good at paying attention to what people are saying is she?
Yeah, so I’m an orphaned bastard and I really don’t care about it beyond that, and I got cancer once, haha, I’m pretty open about that, come up with something better next time dumb fucks, your troll game is weak. Pretending we’re all friendly and sympathetic ugh? Fucking calling me at new year’s too to mock me some more. Plenty other angles you could’ve come at me with going on what I was telling you about. But you… Gee, what a dumb fucking… harpy, fucking erotomaniacal troll harpy bitch. Shooo! Months and months of Shooo!
Anyway… the PDF and it’s front page, it’s sorta like with Capicorn, there’s not really anything to follow it up with. So it just kinda stays there. Not much to do about it.
Leonard isn’t much of a fan of snow, and being out there alone gets boring, so I’ve kept up with spending just about all my time inside this tiny five sided box of an apartment. He’s gotten pretty good at climbing up that pole, wow. You should see him go. I’ll have to make a clip of that. I caught him at it once but it was kind of out of focus and I screwed up by flipping the camera sideways halfway through it. I started playing video games some more again around December. Watched the hell out of Battle Brothers too, some Total War. Played some Oxygen Not Included (what a silly game… lol), Subnautica is pretty cool, fun, if a bit scary :D Space Pirates and Zombies 2 was fun too. Though I haven’t finished Wastelands 2 yet, not sure I’ll get back into it any time soon. And a couple of hours here and there on a bunch of other titles. If I could get a working PC again, instead of this ageing Mac (doesn’t even have a CD drive! wtf) I would love some Battle Brothers, They Are Billions, stuff like that… but my options are limited, sad face.
I know this page hardly ever gets a view, but you know, ideas on how to make contributing to my paypal slightly more appealing (not much new in that area, though I did splurge some and have more than just coffee or tea on most days in February so far), that would be awesome. Any suggestions on the streaming too. A couple hours of classical guitar a day? Couple times a week maybe? I really hate being on camera, but I feel up to it. It’s one way to start up some conversations I guess. Outside some customer support stuff, few places I bought things at, and a very few occasions with a hand-not-so-full of people, including that French coffee stain hate mail troll and prank caller harpy, I’ve had none of that in many, many months.
If it helps, I can put up a list of those things I like to hear about. On the sidebar maybe? The list has been getting quite long this past year, it’s huge compared to that short list of juicy subversive morsels it started out with. Probably wouldn’t matter, they don’t get the point, or it’s on purpose anyway so they don’t give a rat’s ass. They think they got people and the world all figured out. Crazy nutters.
New feather creature to hunt thanks to anonymous contributor referred to as “mom” for practical purposes only. In a totally not unrelated manner, three blank books have already been distributed and more are already prepared for assembly. New needles and crochet sticks were also purchased at an undisclosed location, and will be put to good use in the following weeks to come.
Twitter is fixed up. Saying I never use it wouldn’t be so far from the truth, so I unfollowed everything and added 4n. I didn’t nuke the tweets this time.
Refreshed to the youtube channel. but I’m not done adding videos from these few other channels I contributed too. I’m lazy, and its fuck all utter bullocks, randomly fucked nonsense of no interest. I might just grab those with more than a couple k views and add them to the yet de-unlisted list… channel looks fine as is, but I’ll get to it soon since it’s annoying me and I’m in a logging mood recently. It’s not like I’m getting much of any feedback about it anyway so wtf. I have more interesting things to do.
I’ve tried to look over some of the rant videos from when I actually did those, from when I got all the subs mostly. Nothing worth the time honestly. All around or less than 100 views, one video response to another tuber that hit over 11k, and not much or any constructive or positive engagement to show for on any of those. We’d have to twist my arm pretty hard to get me to look more into that shit, in strictly sincere speak, seriously. It can be summed up with “mostly randomly constructed discourse of varying decontextualized sentences”.
I have a better idea.
Here are some pictures from the latest cat fishing expedition.
4n really likes to hunt these things.
If you can’t rationally justify and argue in its favour, and properly demonstrate it beyond a reasonable doubt —to someone who is permitted to plug the ears with the fingers while shouting «LALALALALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU LALALALALA» no less— then yes, your existence is totally a subjective matter of opinion, objectively worth no more than whatever value has the sympathy or reaction you can dredge up for it.
Well there goes my plan to stay away from the forums thing and post stuff over here instead… it’s been weeks! Putting this one here now though, just not into writing much more to it. Had some nice posts started before I left town last month, and forgot to save them (or rather the related media files and links) on the data stick, haven’t even looked at them yet. They feel so old and out of context already, not entirely but… meh. Still had quite some work left to polish it up beyond just scribbled notes randomly scattered across a page, like most of everything else in those logs. It tops my list for the November garbage though, if not for the year, so I’ll get back around to it. And it does have relevance to the whole troll-post era thing too so.